| New Jersey pastor announces same-gender wedding |
| Written by Leslie Scanlon, OUTLOOK national reporter |
| Wednesday, 18 November 2009 18:59 |
|
A Presbyterian minister from New Jersey has sent a letter to her congregation and an announcement to her presbytery, telling them that she was married in October in a same-gender wedding in Massachusetts, where such marriages are legal. Laurie A. McNeill, pastor of Central Church in Montclair, N.J., informed her session on Oct. 13 and also mailed a letter to members of her congregation that day, and was married on Cape Cod on Oct. 17, her grandmother’s birthday. On Nov. 14, McNeill stood during the announcements time of a meeting of Newark Presbytery and informed her colleagues in ministry that she had recently married. “Rejoice with me, for I have found a companion with whom to share my life!” she wrote in the letter to the congregation. It may be the first time that a pastor serving a Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) congregation has married someone of the same gender — and done so while working for a denomination that defines Christian marriage as being between one man and one woman. In announcing her marriage publicly, McNeill said she knows that someone from her congregation or her presbytery may file action against her in the PC(USA) courts – although she says she doesn’t know exactly what the charges against her might be. Kevin Yoho, general presbyter of Newark Presbytery, said in an interview that he has received a number of calls of concern regarding McNeill’s marriage, but that so far no charges have been filed. A member of the presbytery’s Committee on Ministry plans to meet with McNeill soon to discuss the situation, Yoho said. The constitution of the PC(USA) requires that those called to serve as ministers, elders, or deacons “lead a life in obedience to Scripture and in conformity to the historic confessional standards of the church. Among those standards is the requirement to live either in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman or chastity in singleness.” Also, the Directory for Worship — part of the PC(USA) Book of Order – defines marriage this way: “Marriage is a gift God has given to all humankind for the well-being of the entire human family. Marriage is a civil contract between a woman and a man. For Christians marriage is a covenant through which a man and a woman are called to live out together before God their lives of discipleship.” Despite that wording, however, some states have come to define civil marriage differently, by permitting marriages between same-gender couples. That reality has presented challenges to Presbyterian ministers in those states, who must decide whether they would perform a same-gender wedding if asked to do so. A special General Assembly Committee to Study Issues of Civil Unions and Christian Marriage is expected to report back to the next General Assembly, in July 2010. Unlike some of the other high-profile cases involving gays and lesbians in the PC(USA), McNeill is not seeking to be ordained; she already has been a Presbyterian minister for two decades, is a former moderator of Lehigh Presbytery and has served as a General Assembly commissioner. Up until now, she says, her sexual orientation has not been an issue discussed publicly either as she was considered for ordination or as she was a candidate to be called to pastor a particular congregation. In December, McNeill, 49, will have been pastor of Central Church for five years. In coming to the congregation — a congregation of about 150 in an upper-middle-class community about 20 miles from New York City — she said she never discussed her sexual orientation, although she never hid it either. “I didn’t come out to my parents until after I had been here,” McNeill said in an interview. “It was not like I was going to come out to the church before I came out to them.” While she did not discuss her sexual orientation openly, however, McNeill said some in the congregation did perceive that she is a lesbian. During her first week at Central, she said, a “significant” person in the congregation approached her and said very directly: “We’re kind of a `don’t ask, don’t tell’ congregation.” To McNeill, “it was a very intentional statement. … It sent a message that I received.” About two years ago, McNeill met Lisa Gollihue, a trial attorney, through an online dating service. Much to her surprise, because McNeill had been skeptical about such things, “it really was love at the beginning. There was a powerful connection that was just ridiculous.” But McNeill kept her personal life private for the most part, and Gollihue did not become involved with the church. About a year ago, they decided to marry. In the months leading up to the wedding, however, McNeill did not discuss it with her congregation. “I intentionally held off telling the church because I didn’t know how it would play out,” she said. “If it went badly, I didn’t want anything to taint the wedding day. I didn’t want to risk that, not knowing if someone would file a case, not knowing if someone would immediately pressure for me to be removed from the church.” A few days before the wedding, McNeill did inform both the session of her congregation and the Committee on Ministry of her impending wedding — and she mailed a letter to members of the congregation as well. McNeill said she told the session that she was getting married “and there will be no groom at the wedding. There was sort of this look — `You are gay. You are gay!’ ” Later during that meeting, she said, the session voted unanimously to support McNeill in her decision and to affirm her ministry at Central Church. She said one elder on the session remarked that in calling her five year earlier, “all of us probably sensed we were calling a gay minister. None of us ever talked about it. We didn’t know legally if we could ask the question” or if the presbytery would permit it. “We kind of did a `don’t ask, don’t tell.’ ” McNeill and Gollihue were married on Oct. 17 at Christ Church Cathedral in Harwich Port, Mass., on Cape Cod. Earlier, they had approached the governing board of that congregation and asked for permission to marry there, which the vestry did grant. McNeill said she and Gollihue also attended worship at that church, where, during a welcome time, they introduced themselves and told the congregation “how profoundly grateful we were that they allowed that marriage to take place. There was this sense of `Wow, there’s not a Presbyterian church in the state of New Jersey or the state of North Carolina,’ ” where McNeill grew up, that could do the same. “It really was a bittersweet thing for me,” she said, with both a “profound gratitude” for the Episcopal congregation and “this wishfulness that it could have happened somewhere else.” The minister who officiated at the wedding was Caroline Johnson Patterson, a United Church of Christ hospital chaplain from Rhode Island, who as a teenager grew up in the same Presbyterian congregation in Aberdeen, N.C. as McNeill did — Bethesda Presbyterian Church, a congregation of about 150, from which five of the teenagers in the youth group at that time later became ordained ministers, including Patterson and McNeill. “It was the next best thing to having the minister from my childhood and his wife,” both of whom have died, McNeill said. “That made it very special.” Also participating in the service, but not saying the vows or signing the marriage license, were an Episcopal priest from New Hampshire, who is the rector of Gollihue’s parents’ congregation, and the rector from Christ Church Cathedral, where the wedding took place. The Episcopal church “blessed” the marriage, but did not perform it, McNeill said. Since then, McNeill said the reaction, both from her congregation and the presbytery, has been generally supportive but with some expressing concern. One person from the congregation, for example, told McNeill she felt deceived. “I said, `What’s the deception?’ I never said I was straight. I’ve never had a man on my arm,” and anytime someone suggested that they knew a nice man and would be willing to fix them up on a date, she always turned them down. After the wedding, McNeill went to visit an elderly woman from the congregation. She said the woman told her: “I knew the first day I saw you walk in that you were like that,” that she was lesbian. “That was no surprise.” Some in the presbytery, however, believe that it does violate the PC(USA)’s constitution to have a minister married to a person of the same gender. And they will be watching closely to see what the Committee on Ministry and the presbytery decide what to do. McNeill has taken “contradictory vows,” in her ordination vows and her marriage vows, said Paul Leggett, pastor of Grace Church in Montclair and a former member of the board of directors of the Presbyterian Coalition, an evangelical group. In marrying someone of the same gender, “you’re doing something that’s in direct violation of the constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), which you took a vow to uphold,” Leggett said. And marriage vows are “serious vows. Those vows are contradictory. I don’t know where that leaves her.” Leggett also said he does not think, given the circumstances that McNeill can continue as pastor of Central Church. “I don’t think she can,” he said. “The question comes back to this: Is the constitution of the Presbyterian church optional, or is it mandatory? … Unfortunately, she’s put herself in an untenable position. Probably what she needs to do is think about moving to a denomination where this is acceptable.” McNeill’s marriage “created kind of a dilemma for the presbytery and a dilemma for Laurie,” Leggett said. “To me, this is really quite extreme. (It’s like) you’re saying the Pledge of Allegiance while renouncing American citizenship — what do you do with that? It raises questions about the character of the person. … There has to be some kind of appropriate exit strategy for her.” Yoho, the general presbyter, said the Committee on Ministry “will do sort of a low-level inquiry with (the) Rev. McNeill” to assess the situation, and will report back. While some at the presbytery meeting applauded when McNeill made her announcement, not all did — and it’s not clear whether those who applauded did so because they understood that she had married a woman and approved, or just because she said she had recently married. Yoho said some have expressed discomfort that McNeill did not discuss the matter ahead of time with her congregation, so “there was no way of getting feedback, no way of engaging the congregation in this part of her new life.” One minister asked about the ordination vows that McNeill took, Yoho said, saying that “when one takes that oath and then by their behavior does something contrary to the body to which you pledge an oath, doesn’t that constitute some sort of integrity issue if not a breach of that oath?” As a general presbyter, “I care very much about every member of the presbytery, and I want each member to be able to operate with a high degree of wellness and effectiveness,” he said. So he expects the Committee on Ministry to ask McNeill what impact her marriage has had on her congregation, which he described as moderate theologically, and its ministry. As for whether the marriage itself violates the PC(USA) constitution, “there’s not a whole lot of case law about that, or even `best practices’ in presbyteries,” Yoho said. “I’ve reached out to many colleagues. … None of them had personal experience of this kind of thing happening.” As for McNeill, she is not sure what will come next. What she does know is that, at age 49, she has married for the first time, and is thrilled. While the PC(USA) constitution requires those being ordained to practice fidelity if they are married or chastity if they are single, “I do have fidelity in my marriage,” McNeill said. And “I believe that my relationship with Lisa is chaste. I believe it was chaste when we were single and it is chaste now that we are married. … I think of that as purity and a holiness. I believe we have that in our relationship.” Asked whether she intended her marriage as an act of advocacy, McNeill answered that she was married in a relatively small ceremony, with 75 family members and close friends present, and no media. “Lisa asked me to marry her, and I said `Yes.’ The fact that it’s an issue in the church, the fact that it’s an issue in the state, that’s not my issue. I got married just like anyone else. … I want to spend the rest of my life with this person in a covenanted relationship. If it ends up as a big test case, there will be advocacy involved in it. If not, I’ll just be living my life. …Maybe charges will be filed. But I’m a happily married woman.
Bookmark
Email This
Trackback(0)
Your Responses (21)
Response from Carol Rescigno,
November 27, 2009
Glen Head, NY
The Bible was inspired by God but written by men and open to many interpretations. Just as we cannot use the laws of the United States without occasional tweaking, we cannot use the Bible to perpetuate an unyielding society. Sometimes rules change because someone has been courageous. I've known Laurie McNeill for more than a decade and have watched her share her enthusiasm and love with congregants new and old, struggling and thriving. She is courageous and she is an inspiration and I am pleased that she has found love in her private life.
Response from Kiki Nusbaumer,
November 24, 2009
Richmond, VA
Congratulations! Love! You are an inspiration.
Response from Howard Dotson,
November 23, 2009
Omaha NE
I admire the courage it takes for Laurie and Lisa to make this step publicly. Your profession of love presses the question: Will people know we are Christians by our love?
There is a cloud of witnesses: Janie Spahr, Paul Capet and Lisa Largess et al. who have put it all on the line. Thank you for faithful service to the church. This is stressful and painful for our Presbyterian family to wrestle with these issues of love and justice but God never promised it would be easy. I pray that we all emerge from this struggle truer to the life Jesus modeled for us. Our boundaries and definitions need to be deconstructed so God's unconditional love can be expressed to all. We are called to be humble servants not gatekeepers.
Response from Mike Porter,
November 22, 2009
Norton, VA
What a surprise! Yet another minister in the PC(USA) who holds their "feelings" higher than the what the Word of God teaches. What do these people learn in their seminaries these days? They can quote Calvin and Augustine out the wazoo but do they even know objective Biblical doctrines? Pathetic. Just pathetic.
Response from P.W. Gregory,
November 22, 2009
Lambertville NJ
In the eternal tug-of-war between the left and right in the church over the matter of gays, lesbians and a theology of sexuality, the aim of both bases has been to systematically seek to weaken a centrally, national based denomination response to the issues. Both sides would embrace a rather loser connection of semi-automomous regional, local responses to the issues of same sex and gender relationships in the church. Be careful what you wish for.
At the end of the day, it will be a local matter for the church in question if they choose to support and employ as pastor who has done what has been done. And if the Presbytery in question chooses to address tha matter in the courts of the church. My guess is they, the presbytery, will roll-over on the matter, do nothing and allow the local church to come to its own peace about the matter. So be it. But be careful, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Should they, the presbytery, the synod, adopt a more ham-handed and firmer response to those churches or clergy who wish to make their displeasure known through the matters of property or per capita, then I would question their overall sense of fairness and objectivity in the process. And in the end their agenda-hidden or otherwise.
Response from Tom Eggebeen,
November 22, 2009
Los Angeles, CA
Earl, your comments are on target. When G-6.0106b was being debated on the floor of Presbytery, I stood and said, "This amendment is neither interested in chastity in singleness nor fidelity in marriage; it's a clever ploy to raise the bar against the ordination of Gays and Lesbians."
Response from Earl Apel,
November 22, 2009
Cincinnati, Ohio
I as a gay man in the PC (USA) am inspired by Pastor Laurie McNeill. That is what good pastors do, they inspire us whether it is through their good words in the pulpit or how they lead their lives.
Here is what I find really interesting. G-6.0106b has been in the Book of Order for over ten years now. I'm not sure about the statements abour marriage in the Directory of Worship but would suspect they have been there as long if not longer. Would not any rational person think that if G-6.0106b was to resolve the debate of LGBT persons in the church that after more than ten years we would no longer be discussing this? Yet we are. Here is the bottom line. The words homosexual, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender do not even appear in the Book of Order. Yet these are the words that all the debates and fuss are over regarding ordination or marriage. And the fact is the last GA nullified the AI of 1978 that was a bit more explicit but not part of the Constitution of the PC (USA). The solution to ending the debate and fuss is simple. If you are one that is on the so-called right or conservative, take action to make the Book of Order quite explicit as to what those who are homosexuals, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, and transgender can and cannot do. You have this in your power to do so don't sit back and complain, take action. As Presbyterians you have that right and privilege. As Christians it is your duty to speak what you belive to be the truth and show more compassion to those you believe engage in sinful behavior and need to be redeemed. Christ did not use wishy-washy language and neither should you if you truly believe this issue is that important. The bottom line is I think that those who promoted G-6.0106b and continue to defend it have only reaped what they have sowed. Normally one planting seed would expect the package to be quite explicit as to what will grow. But if it isn't quite so explicit, often times weeds grow in the mix and the desired results never appear. Just like when wishy-washy language is used to talk about certain groups of people, but not mentioning them by name and leaving an impression as though they don't exist. Not exactly like the parable of the sower but somewhat similar I think. Yours in Christ, Earl Apel
Response from Joel Zelaya,
November 21, 2009
Miami, FL
This really disappoints me. I have just recently moved to the state I'm living in now looking for a church to attend the closest one within walking a distance happens to be Presbyterian, who knows if I decide to fellowship in there. I will just have to go and see.
Anyway, I am just going to focus on some the statements that Ms. McNeill(will never call her Mrs. because she is not "married" at all in the Lord's eyes, and obviously not in mine.) said in light of Scripture. McNeill says, “I do have fidelity in my marriage,”(not according to the Bible Eph.5:26-33)I wonder who would be the husband or the wife in that relationship? Whose duty will it be to love the wife just as Christ loves the church and so on? And She said, “I believe that my relationship with Lisa is chaste."(not according to the Bible Matt.19:4) She said,"I believe it was chaste when we were single."(not according to the Bible Matt.5:28) She said,"It is chaste now that we are married."(not according to the Bible Matt.19:4) She says, "I think of that as purity and a holiness." I believe we have that in our relationship.”(not according to the Bible Matt.19:4) She also says she never deceived anyone about her sexuality, but when you take an oath and you behave contrary to the oath you've taken,that is deceptive. 1 Timothy 3, is very clear on what a bishop is supposed to be. I am also upset with some the comments I've read on here, accusing that the traditions we Presbyterians, or many other born again Christians like us, hold are medieval in its origion. No, the traditons we hold are neither old or new, they are eternal handed down to us by Almighty God Himself, in light of His eternal Scriptures. Who am I, or anyone else to interpret, change or compromise what God has ordained already? When will we understand that everything God ordains is good and pure?
Response from Rick Bender,
November 21, 2009
Pgh. Pa.
Living our lives under God's Word doesn't include how we feel, what we think is fair, or how we wish it should be. Our lives for the true born again christian is based on the clear teachings of the only written word of God that we have available to us and that is the Bible. Any life choice that is contrary to the word of God is called sin and that is clearly demonstrated in the actions of this couple. Yes, God is a God of love but he is also the God of judgement (as the bible clearly states) and this couple will need to answer for their actions at judgement time.
Response from Bob Fnurn,
November 21, 2009
Kansas City MO
Like all sinful gay people, she more likely did this out of sinful pride, selfishness and to cause trouble for the church body... not out of love. Rather than start her own religion, she wants Christians to abandon their historic faith and the inerrent scripture. Like all "more light" types, they want to hijack the PCUSA for their own purposes and for the money... Their form of "christianity" has nothing to do with what Jesus taught or God's redemption from sin. It is a form of hedonistic secular humanism surrounded by religious symbols. True Christians must come out from among them!
Response from Larry Kraft,
November 21, 2009
Pompano Beach, FL
Congratualtions! Our bible is a living instrument. Times change and beliefs change. God is with all of us regardless of our sexual orientation. We were created by God and as someone told me "God don't make no junk."
God is Love. These two people love each other and have committed to a relationship of love and support. I'm sure that God is quite happy about it. In any case, I am very happy!
Response from Tom Eggebeen,
November 20, 2009
Los Angeles, CA
There was a time when a woman in the pulpit was considered "outside the will of God." So were interracial marriages.
How easily we use the tagline, "the will of God." That's what the church said about Galileo and Newton and Darwin, too. Lots of Presbyterians found emancipation contrary to the will of God. Others thought that card-playing and theater attendance, not to mention drinking and smoking, were contrary to the will of God (well, okay, maybe smoking!). Augustine thought sex was unbecoming to a priest and contrary to the will of God. We all "use" the Bible, and that's the point: if we learn anything from history, religion has always claimed "the will of God" for all sorts of curious things (curious to us now, but, then, deadly serious and, of course, central!). If history tells us anything, it tells us to be deeply cautious in claiming "the will of God" for ourselves, and to be doubly cautious about the boundaries we draw.
Response from Jeff Winter,
November 20, 2009
Martha's Vineyard, MA I read the Outlook story with deep sadness. Regrettably, Laurie McNeill will need to be disciplined by the Newark Presbytery for her marriage to Lisa Gollihue. Many in the PCUSA rejoice in this new union. I welled up with tears knowing that God's intention for marriage is between a man and a woman. I affirm Laurie's and Lisa's love for one another. Deep and trothful relationships between people of the same sex is a wonderful thing. However, taking the step to be married is clearly outside the will of God. I trust that Laurie will resign her position at Central Presbyterian Church and save the presbytery and denomination much anguish in having to discipline her. As a PCUSA pastor in Massachusetts I say "No" to gay and lesbian couples who ask me to marry them. I do so because the Book of Order states that marriage is between a man and woman. In like manner Laurie should have never been "married" in this state because of the clear teaching of the Book of Order. Jeff Winter Martha's Vineyard, MA
Response from Rev. Harper Brady,
November 20, 2009
Baden, PA
I thought that our church's constitution was to reflect the will of God (as revealed in Scripture) instead of reflecting the "real world". It's been my understanding from my earliest days in the Reformed Tradition that the "real world" is totally fallen and depraved. Why would we want a constitution that reflects that? We would then cease to be the Church of Jesus Christ and instead become a merely secular organization. Sadly, it seems we are moving increasingly in that direction.
Response from Sam Shoemaker,
November 20, 2009
Coraopolis, PA
I am aghast that this NJ pastor is stomping on the Scripture and the Book of Order in "marrying" someone of the same sex. It is true that we can find love in all the wrong places
Response from Leah Johnson,
November 20, 2009
Downingtown, PA
Laurie: Blessings to you! I enjoyed sharing our 2006 Peacemaking trip with you and I wish you peace and love for your journey ahead. Those of us who do not understand exclusion in God's kingdom pray for a new day in a denomination we love.
In peace, Leah
Response from Noushin Framke,
November 20, 2009
Elder in Newark Presbytery, Member ACREC & Liaison to MRTI
Congratulations to my Sister in Christ! Time for our church constitution to catch up with the 21st century and reflect the real world. Grace & Peace!
Response from Tom Eggebeen,
November 20, 2009
Los Angeles, CA
How long will we Presbyterians deny the reality of love? The desire for companionship? Intimacy? How long will resort to the medieval practice of celibacy for some? How long will we listen to the cry of our GLBT community and tell them how wrong they are? But then our track record on slavery and suffrage isn't so hot either; it took us years and a Civil War to work out civil rights, and years to grant women equal rights and to ordain them. And to this day, these two issues remain unresolved for many Americans and a lot of Presbyterians as well. Hats off to the future; it will come our way - love and hope are inexorable, but oh, the fight, along the way.
Congrats to Laurie and Lisa ... and I pray that we Presbyterians will touch the richest parts of our heritage on justice and peace, and our fundamental respect for a person's confession of faith. Let's put an end to bedroom politics and reclaim the joy and the power and the freedom of faith in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Response from JShuck,
November 19, 2009
Elizabethton, Tennessee
Congratulations to the happy couple!
"What she does know is that, at age 49, she has married for the first time, and is thrilled." Good for you. Many Blessings!
Response from Toby Brown,
November 19, 2009
Butler, PA
What does this matter, as the the almighty GAPJC (in all of their biblical knowledge and wisdom) have told us that such a thing does not even exist.
She must be dreaming.
Response from Walter J Ungerer D.Min,
November 19, 2009 Kokomo IN
I'm sorry this has happened. I don't think the Presbytery of Newark has any choice but to remove her from office. This was her decision and she was fully aware of the consquances of her actions. Better still she should renounce jurisdiction and move on to the life she wants but not in the PCUSA!
Write a Response
|
TrackBack URI for this entry
Subscribe to this comment's feed
